Giving...thanks???

So, I'm not going to lie. This Thanksgiving was a big disappointment. It's so incredibly selfish to say that because I have so many amazing things in my life to be thankful for, and I am, but sometimes holidays are all hype and the climax just really sucks.

I'm writing about this here and not on my daily life blog because the majority of the reason why today wasn't what I had hoped is because, well, Lily was a big fat pain in my ass. Is that bad to say?

Even if it is, I said it. I needed to say it because that's my truth.

The day actually started out shitty because the night was shitty. That part of the day actually had nothing to do with Lily. It was my husband's fault. I'll Cliff Note this portion of the story to say, he went out way too late, came home drunk, puked his brains out for a few hours, and was basically worthless most of the day. I couldn't sleep through the puking, I had to take care of the baby, and I cleaned the house. Not what I call a fantastic way to spend a holiday morning BUT the saving grace of the morning was when my parents came over for breakfast. Dustin managed to muscle through the nausea (as he should have since I was so angry) and made a great breakfast. That was a really nice part of the morning.

However, I was honestly really excited to go to my in-law's for a huge feast at 4pm. Lily even took two naps today (ZOMG, yes, TWO), so I thought for sure she would be an angel until 7:30-8pm.

Unfortunately, the best laid plans always fall to shit.

She was not nice. At all. Tantrum city.
That's all. The end.

I don't need to go into many details. That truly is the long and the short of it. I guess my disappointment comes in because pre-Lily I had this idealistic picture in my head of what the holidays would be like once we had children. I pictured it so much differently. I pictured a happier child, a bit more content, and even if she did get crabby in my fantasy, I pictured it not being a problem because I could surely just put her down in a pack-n-play so Dustin and I could stay to socialize, like an average married couple, and have adult conversations over a bonfire and glass of wine.

I suppose that's why they're called fantasies.

The reality was that she was content for about 30 minutes, going from person to person seeing what they had to offer, and then turned into a screaming monster. NOTHING was making her happy. Needless to say, I spent the remainder of the 1.5 hours there trying desperately to make her happy. I didn't even get to converse with anyone, other than the family members that would try to intervene and say, "What's wrong with her??", and in my mind I would reply, "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW OTHERWISE I WOULD FIX IT!!".

So, we had to cut our visit short because, contrary to my fantasy world, listening to a screaming toddler is not tolerable. It's flat out annoying.

If this post makes me sound like a selfish mother and a Thanksgiving scrooge, so be it. I'm throwing a pity party for myself tonight and you're all invited.

Right now, I'm thankful for my redheaded toddler that is finally quiet and sound asleep. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.