Today was a rough day. This week has been rough all around. All because of one simple word: sleep.

I remember when Lily was a newborn, and maybe even before she was born, I subscribed to the myth that there would be this magical time called "sleeping through the night", as if this is something that babies actually attain. As if after the first night of sleeping through the night that meant that ALL nights would be full of sound sleep for baby, mommy, and daddy (aside from the expected illness here and there). Sure, this might hold true for SOME babies but no one mentioned to me that my baby could be one of the selected ones that would torture herself, and her mama, with horrible sleep patterns for, oh say... years.

I prepared myself as much as possible for the newborn no-sleep phase. I knew she would wake up every 3-5 hours for the first few weeks/months and that's exactly what she did. I remember her sleeping 6-8 hours a night when she was about 2 months old. "Oh my God", I thought, "here it is, this magical milestone of sleeping through the night!". Clearly she was advanced because all these other babies didn't sleep this kind of stretch for a couple more months into their lives. This was it. The goal was reached. Sleep will now be a part of our lives again. That's all new parents want. Sleep. It has arrived.

Little did I know that for Lily, that lasted about 3 weeks. Oh, how that stung when I realized it wasn't some magical sleep fairy that waved her magic wand and made my child sleep through the night FOREVER. No, that first taste of sleeping through the night would begin a frustrating pattern, a tease if you will, of a semi-sleepless baby.

Around 4 months of age her sleep completely regressed. "4 month wakeful" is what people told me, but somehow that turned into 5 month, 6 month, 7 month, etc. wakefuls. We visited my friend Jaime and her family in New Hampshire when Lily was 6 months old. Lily was to sleep in a pack-n-play in their dining room, right next to the living room where we would sleep. Jaime was absolutely shocked at how Lily fought sleep. Her son, then 14 months old, was the complete opposite of Lily in the sleep world. I was so envious.

It wasn't until 9.5 months (too late, in my opinion) that we went to see Lily's pediatrician, in tears (me, not Lily), begging her for answers to Lily's sleep issues. She was waking up 6-15 times a night, more than once an hour, wanting one of us to come in and comfort her. The pediatrician's answer was simple, "Grab a glass of wine and let her cry it out".
And so we did. And it work. Kind of.
I was only able to stand the crying for 30 minutes, which was usually all it took for her to fall asleep. This method, although controversial, worked for Lily. It gave her much needed rest, and her parent's too.

So THAT'S when I was sure we achieved it, this sleeping through the night. After letting her cry it out, she started sleeping a normal amount of hours at night. I was certain we have arrived to a better place and I would start gaining some sanity back.

But no.
That helped, a LOT, but she still threw us for a loop every few weeks, waking in the middle of the night, or waking up really early, ready for the day. It was just unpredictable.

For about the past year, we got into a pattern of about 10 hours of sleep a night, or rest at least, meaning she at least stays in her bed quietly. Yes, she would still throw in a random night of waking up once or twice because of a bad dream or something, but this pattern seemed to be sticking.

But no.
This week we changed her crib into a toddler bed, which we expected to be challenged with... and our expectations were dead on. She isn't getting up and roaming around the house like I expected but she is waking up a couple/few times a night crying, saying she's scared, and she is skipping almost all naps, everyday.

So, here we are, 5 weeks from her third birthday, still battling sleep (as I'm sitting here listening to her on the monitor, at 11pm, still not asleep after being put to bed at 9pm). Throw in the fact that she is so incredibly over tired that she started having her hour long plus meltdowns today, you know, as a Happy Easter to all of us, where she is inconsolable and downright frightening. (Those beauties began about 9 months ago after waking up from naps but were in remission for the past couple of months. Glad to see they came back with a vengeance. :::eyetroll:::)

Am I complaining? You're Goddamn right, I am. Lack of sleep=mentally unstable in my world and I am fucking tired.

But more than just complaining, I am sending out a warning, my friends: Babies may NEVER sleep through the night consistently. Do not set yourself up for failure and expect it. Just adopt the notion that sleeping through the night is for childless couples.

Oh, and the terrible twos are not half as terrible as the torturous threes, from what I can see so far.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

DIsclaimer: this post was written 4 days before my period is due. Nuff said.