Sunday, November 20, 2011

I've had this post rolling around in my head for a few days. Is it weird that I write blog posts in my head on most days and then promptly forget them, only ending up writing once or twice a month? ::sigh:: I need more hours in the day.

I am a homebody. 
Surprised? If you know me, probably not. I love being home. More so than that, I love being home with my kid. 

I have always been a homebody. I was outgoing and very social in middle and high school but I never minded staying home, watching movies with friends or my then boyfriend. Those were some of the best memories, actually.

I can remember being in college, going out until all hours of the morning, "clubbing", going to "Raves" (mid 90's= Ecstasy days. I did not partake but it was really funny to watch), and I would LOVE the feeling of going home to my cozy little apartment alone. I was never sad that the fun was over or that I was by myself. I just loved that comfort zone of home. My parents' house always represented "home" to me after I moved out, too. I was always just as comfortable there as my own home. 

Throughout my 20s, I lived a lot of places, for many different reasons, exploring what life was about, but still, I always had that love for being home...even in my 200 square foot, roach infested studio that Bear and I lived in for 6 months. I was always really great at being comfortable at home, no matter where that was.

Since Lily has been around, I have become a homebody times a million. In the newborn and infant stages, it was because it was simply too much of a pain in the ass to go out all day. Sure, we ran a lot of errands, did a lot of shopping, I needed to get out for my sanity, but to leave the house more than once in a day was rare. There was too much shit to tow and too many variables for this nervous new mama.

Now, in the toddler years, she's much more flexible and easy to tote around, we do spend a lot more time out and about...but, like her mama, Lily loves her home. Some of my favorite days are those like yesterday where we didn't leave the house until almost 5pm. We watched movies, painted, played with every toy, walked outside, jumped on the bed...we just did homey stuff. This isn't to say that we don't love visitors or that we don't like going places, we just tend to be super comfortable here at home. 

What's strange to me is that now when I'm home alone, when Lily is at school or her grandparent's house for a visit, it doesn't feel like home simply because she's not here. Home for me has always just been where I am, where I've made it comfortable, or where my family is.

But's where Lily is. She is only 2 and I am already dreading the "empty nest".