Saturday, August 28, 2010

15 months...
22.25lbs (50th%)
32in tall (91st%)
18.75 head circumference (didn't give us a percentage but I'm pretty sure it's big)

  • You love bubble baths. You try to blow the bubbles, like I showed you.
  • You started calling grandpa "pop pop" today, which actually sounds like "bop bop". We're teaching you that because you were calling him "Daa", like you call daddy. Daa was just easier to say than grandpa so we thought pop pop might be easier. So far, so good.
  • You can drink from a straw now.
  • You try to sing along with songs on TV.
  • You can point to body parts when asked.
  • You are still really good about not getting into too much mischief...for now.
  • You have a bit of stranger anxiety when we go to the doctor. 
  • You prefer men to women in all situations.
  • You're running all over the place.
  • You really don't like to eat 3 meals a day. You prefer snacking all day long.
  • You're still drinking a bottle of formula before bed to soothe yourself to sleep. Mama doesn't mind because this keeps you a "baby" in her mind.
  • You're growing much too fast.

Monday, August 23, 2010

You hated shoes until I went and splurged on these...
Now, you have a new found love for shoes...and walking...and trying to run.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

This morning you were clingy, of course. You have a sense that I'm leaving, I just know it. You're so smart- too smart- for your own good. Maybe you just feel my sad energy, dreading the mere thought of leaving you for just 48 hours.

Daddy was changing your clothes, (or trying to anyway), in your room while I was putting some laundry away. I came out of our bedroom and saw you barreling down our long hallway, naked, headed for me with a gigantic smile behind your paci. You love being naked and running around the house. Fortunately, you've only peed twice and it's been on the tile, not the far!

As you ran toward me, I knelt down to catch you in my arms and you did something that you never, ever hugged me. You grabbed around my neck, with both of your arms holding me tight and your sweet face nestled into my shoulder and held on to me. Ordinarily, your hugs consist of you just leaning forward a bit or maybe even a slight head butt, but not today.

You held me for about a solid minute.

And I cried.

And I said I'm sorry that I have to leave again.

You didn't seem to notice my sadness, daddy said, because you were all smiles looking at him with your head resting on my shoulder.

These are the moments for me that define motherhood. These are the moments when I feel rewarded and appreciated. These are the moments that make me *think* that I want another child and that it wouldn't be that hard. These are the moments when time stands still and I am reminded that I am your mommy and you need me. These are moments that confirm that I must be doing something right as a mom because you trust me.

There is nothing in this world that compared to that hug that you gave me today. Thank you.

Monday, August 16, 2010

A perfect example of mama judging.  A story.

Lily and I went to the pool today. We have a gorgeous community pool that obviously draws out the young families in the neighborhood. I packed Lily up in the stroller after lathering her with sunscreen, putting on her hat, packing the beach bag with all of the essentials, and I even remembered a drink for myself AND the house keys! This truly has nothing to do with the gist of the story but I possibly wanted to brag about how quickly I managed to complete all of the above.

After the 25 minute walk to the clubhouse, we went right in the piss warm bathtub pool and swam around. Sure enough, we talked with a couple of other moms. It was mostly just the "how old is she?" type banter but we did meet one couple that was a bit more chatty.

I shall call them Rick and Melissa, for the purpose of the dialouge. The conversation went something like this:

Rick: Aww, look at her. She's too cute. We're expecting a baby girl in January.
Me: Awww! How fun! Your first?
Rick: Oh no. I have a 20 year old and a 17 year old.
::must be a second marriage runs through my mind:::
Me: Nice. So you're a pro.
Rick: Eh, you know. They all through you for a loop.
:::enter some more random babbles here and then please imagine Melissa floating in the picture from the far side of the pool:::
Melissa: Wow, I can't believe that will be us in about 19 months, toting around a toddler!
Me: Its so crazy how fast time goes.
::more small talk...and then...:::
Melissa: So, did you breastfeed?
Me :a bit taken back from the boldness of a stranger: We tried for a week, but--
Melissa: A WEEK??? THAT'S NOT TRYING!! :laughs: I wouldn't even admit that to people if I were you!
Me :sheepishly: Well, my milk never came in and I had some complications that took me away from her.
Melissa: Oh. That's too bad.

And then I splashed water in her face and called her a bitch. The end.

Actually, that didn't happen, but I imagined it to. The conversation went on a bit from there, onto a different subject but I was only half paying attention after that comment. This honestly seemed like a nice enough woman. Why did she have to go ahead and be a bitch? What a shitty thing to say to a complete stranger.
We're all critics, I suppose.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I recently read this blog post by a blogger that I do not know. She commented on one of my posts on my Two Plus One blog.
There is something very endearing about this girl and I loved reading through her posts. She's young and she's ready to begin her life as a college student. She had a sweet energy about her. I think everyone from Indiana must be likable.

That specific post resonated with me for a couple of reasons. First, because I can identify with her. I, too, struggle with anxiety and have since I was very, very young. I can remember having bouts of anxiety as early as 3rd grade, crying in the clinic begging to go home. Nothing was wrong with me. I just wanted my mom. Looking back, I know it was separation anxiety. Like this blogger, I hated being away from my mom. The difference here is that my mom was not traveling for work.

Which leads me to the second reason why this post resonated with me...I am her mom. I have to leave Lily every couple of months for business, so not quite as often as the blogger's mom, but enough that guilt tears at my soul.

I am the Vice President of Sales Operations for a medical supply company (quite the fancy title, sure, but trust me, it isn't a fancy job). I oversee 8 sales reps across Florida so my travel isn't far, but its far enough.
I have to be honest and say that I do a lot of justifying in my head to make this "ok". Other than these couple/few days on the road every 2-3 months, I work from home, which obviously means I get to see Lily every single day. My mom and my mother-in-law are our day care providers so while I work, they watch her. I am so fortunate to have this set up, even though it is laden with its own type of guilt, such as when she crawls or walks back to my desk, puts her arms up to me and pleads with me to pick her up...and more times than not, I give in because a mother's guilt is deadly.

Off topic a bit.

Most of my working mommy friends have to be away from their kids 40-50 hours a there lies my justification: I'm with her so often and she sees me so much, even while I'm working, that my absence for these business trips is surely barely noticed. I'm sure that's a bunch of horseshit but its how I sleep at night when I'm away.

After reading this blogger's post, my heart was heavy. I cannot do this to Lily as she grows up. I would rather go back to working in a restaurant, waiting on tables, than to have her suffer in my absence.
By no means am I judging blogger's mom for having to have this type of occupation. Quite the opposite, I applaud her for doing what she needed to do for her family...but I know when Lily is old enough to say, "Mommy, don't go", it will tear at my heart, break me and send me running out to look for another job. I may have to eat those words in a couple of years to pay the bills but I certainly hope I don't have to disappoint Lily by leaving on business often.

I am off to Miami for two days on Tuesday. I am already having anxiety about leaving. I hate this necessary evil.

Friday, August 13, 2010

You feed yourself with a spoon now. I know I usually don't post pictures but this was so cute...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Today, you fed yourself with a spoon. It was the cutest thing to see. I took video, which I hope to upload soon. You made a mess but you figured out how to use that spoon rather quickly.

You're walking so much now, I can't believe it. I know you were a late walker but I'm glad about that. It gave me a little more time to digest your growth and development.

I have to leave you next week for a night or two for work. I already have that sick feeling in my stomach about it. I just don't want to have to miss you.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I've been a little behind on keeping up.

You say "waffle", but it's pronounced "waba".
You say "peanut butter", but its pronounced "bubu".
You say "hello", but its pronounced "hella".
You make fun of me when I'm talking on the phone by picking up a nearby phone and have a very dramatic "conversation".
You're walking a lot, but haven't starting running yet.
You tell us how old you are, when asked, by holding up your finger and giving the biggest smile.
You love our new house and slept great the first three nights. The last two, not so much, but we'll take it.