Soooooo, traveling with a 15 month old.

As the over thinker that I am, I was exceptionally nervous about taking Lily with us to a 3rd world country: "What if she gets really sick? What if she comes home with a parasite? What if she doesn't sleep the WHOLE time? How long will the screw up her schedule for once we get home? How am I going to protect her from such intense sun? How are WE going to enjoy ourselves with all of this worrying???"

The funny thing is...babies are so adaptable. They really, really are.

I honestly began packing for this trip about 5 days ahead. I made lists. I analyzed. I obsessed. The morning that we left we were like a well oiled machine though and we pulled out of the driveway only 5 minutes late, at 5:35am. We had to wake Lily up, of course, but instead of the cranky baby I expected, she was just spaced out looking at us the whole 2.5 hour ride to Orlando like, "What.the.hell. you guys???". She was good and did fall asleep for a good 40 minutes.

Once we arrived at the airport, she did get a little confused and cranky but nothing major. She just wanted to be able to run around, which she did around the gate.

The plane ride was...interesting. She wasn't terrible. She definitely could have been a lot worse but she was a little high maintenance. I made the mistake of booking our seats all wrong. So, picture an airplane with 6 seats across, with the aisle separating in the middle, like this:

A B C |  | D E F

This is how we sat:
Me, Dustin, Stranger |  |  Stranger, My Mom, My Dad.

BIG mistake. She wanted to go back and forth between us and my parents. Thankfully, good old Uncle Randy sitting next to us was more than obliging and even handed her off a couple times. Mrs. Douche Canoe next to my parents...not so excited about the trip.

But Lily did sleep for another 30-40 minutes on my lap which I NEVER thought she would do.
On the other side, after the 2.5 hour plane ride, we had another 2 hours of traveling ahead of us by car. Again, she slept and was amazingly content with all of this. We stopped for pizza just outside of our destination and she was as happy as could be.

During the week, she was pretty good. She slept in a rock hard pack-n-play with ease, napped well, swam, walked around, hiked, ate new things...she really surprised me. She was a little more fussy overall, just being out of her element, but nothing unbearable.

The travel home was torture with our plane being delayed almost 2 hours, but yet again, Lily wasn't overly phased. She rolled with every punch and just seemed content just to be with us. We were THAT family with the screaming toddler for about 40 minutes of the plane ride home, getting sided eyed by everyone within 2 rows...but hey, everyone needs to experience that at least once in life. It's a rite of passage or something.

Needless to say, her schedule didn't even really hiccup when we got home. Her and I were both the chosen ones to come home with some nasty cold/flu virus though, which we're still on the mend from, but we'll live.

Overall, was vacation redefined? Yes. Absolutely. We traveled with 17 other people, none of which had a baby with them. I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of all of their free time.
Was it worth it though? OhmyGod, yes. It was so much fun to bring Lily to a place that we love so much and see her in that environment.

If I were asked for a piece of advice for traveling with a 15 month old, it would have to be this:
Bring the grandparents.

The end.

15 months...
22.25lbs (50th%)
32in tall (91st%)
18.75 head circumference (didn't give us a percentage but I'm pretty sure it's big)

• You love bubble baths. You try to blow the bubbles, like I showed you.
• You started calling grandpa "pop pop" today, which actually sounds like "bop bop". We're teaching you that because you were calling him "Daa", like you call daddy. Daa was just easier to say than grandpa so we thought pop pop might be easier. So far, so good.
• You can drink from a straw now.
• You try to sing along with songs on TV.
• You can point to body parts when asked.
• You are still really good about not getting into too much mischief...for now.
• You have a bit of stranger anxiety when we go to the doctor. 
• You prefer men to women in all situations.
• You're running all over the place.
• You really don't like to eat 3 meals a day. You prefer snacking all day long.
• You're still drinking a bottle of formula before bed to soothe yourself to sleep. Mama doesn't mind because this keeps you a "baby" in her mind.
• You're growing much too fast.

You hated shoes until I went and splurged on these...

Now, you have a new found love for shoes...and walking...and trying to run.

This morning you were clingy, of course. You have a sense that I'm leaving, I just know it. You're so smart- too smart- for your own good. Maybe you just feel my sad energy, dreading the mere thought of leaving you for just 48 hours.

Daddy was changing your clothes, (or trying to anyway), in your room while I was putting some laundry away. I came out of our bedroom and saw you barreling down our long hallway, naked, headed for me with a gigantic smile behind your paci. You love being naked and running around the house. Fortunately, you've only peed twice and it's been on the tile, not the carpet...so far!

As you ran toward me, I knelt down to catch you in my arms and you did something that you never, ever do...you hugged me. You grabbed around my neck, with both of your arms holding me tight and your sweet face nestled into my shoulder and held on to me. Ordinarily, your hugs consist of you just leaning forward a bit or maybe even a slight head butt, but not today.

You held me for about a solid minute.

And I cried.

And I said I'm sorry that I have to leave again.

You didn't seem to notice my sadness, daddy said, because you were all smiles looking at him with your head resting on my shoulder.

These are the moments for me that define motherhood. These are the moments when I feel rewarded and appreciated. These are the moments that make me *think* that I want another child and that it wouldn't be that hard. These are the moments when time stands still and I am reminded that I am your mommy and you need me. These are moments that confirm that I must be doing something right as a mom because you trust me.

There is nothing in this world that compared to that hug that you gave me today. Thank you.

A perfect example of mama judging.  A story.

Lily and I went to the pool today. We have a gorgeous community pool that obviously draws out the young families in the neighborhood. I packed Lily up in the stroller after lathering her with sunscreen, putting on her hat, packing the beach bag with all of the essentials, and I even remembered a drink for myself AND the house keys! This truly has nothing to do with the gist of the story but I possibly wanted to brag about how quickly I managed to complete all of the above.

After the 25 minute walk to the clubhouse, we went right in the piss warm bathtub pool and swam around. Sure enough, we talked with a couple of other moms. It was mostly just the "how old is she?" type banter but we did meet one couple that was a bit more chatty.

I shall call them Rick and Melissa, for the purpose of the dialouge. The conversation went something like this:

Rick: Aww, look at her. She's too cute. We're expecting a baby girl in January.
Me: Awww! How fun! Your first?
Rick: Oh no. I have a 20 year old and a 17 year old.
::must be a second marriage runs through my mind:::
Me: Nice. So you're a pro.
Rick: Eh, you know. They all through you for a loop.
:::enter some more random babbles here and then please imagine Melissa floating in the picture from the far side of the pool:::
Melissa: Wow, I can't believe that will be us in about 19 months, toting around a toddler!
Me: Its so crazy how fast time goes.
::more small talk...and then...:::
Melissa: So, did you breastfeed?
Me :a bit taken back from the boldness of a stranger: We tried for a week, but--
Melissa: A WEEK??? THAT'S NOT TRYING!! :laughs: I wouldn't even admit that to people if I were you!
Me :sheepishly: Well, my milk never came in and I had some complications that took me away from her.
Melissa: Oh. That's too bad.

And then I splashed water in her face and called her a bitch. The end.

Actually, that didn't happen, but I imagined it to. The conversation went on a bit from there, onto a different subject but I was only half paying attention after that comment. This honestly seemed like a nice enough woman. Why did she have to go ahead and be a bitch? What a shitty thing to say to a complete stranger.
We're all critics, I suppose.

I recently read this blog post by a blogger that I do not know. She commented on one of my posts on my Two Plus One blog.
There is something very endearing about this girl and I loved reading through her posts. She's young and she's ready to begin her life as a college student. She had a sweet energy about her. I think everyone from Indiana must be likable.

That specific post resonated with me for a couple of reasons. First, because I can identify with her. I, too, struggle with anxiety and have since I was very, very young. I can remember having bouts of anxiety as early as 3rd grade, crying in the clinic begging to go home. Nothing was wrong with me. I just wanted my mom. Looking back, I know it was separation anxiety. Like this blogger, I hated being away from my mom. The difference here is that my mom was not traveling for work.

Which leads me to the second reason why this post resonated with me...I am her mom. I have to leave Lily every couple of months for business, so not quite as often as the blogger's mom, but enough that guilt tears at my soul.

I am the Vice President of Sales Operations for a medical supply company (quite the fancy title, sure, but trust me, it isn't a fancy job). I oversee 8 sales reps across Florida so my travel isn't far, but its far enough.
I have to be honest and say that I do a lot of justifying in my head to make this "ok". Other than these couple/few days on the road every 2-3 months, I work from home, which obviously means I get to see Lily every single day. My mom and my mother-in-law are our day care providers so while I work, they watch her. I am so fortunate to have this set up, even though it is laden with its own type of guilt, such as when she crawls or walks back to my desk, puts her arms up to me and pleads with me to pick her up...and more times than not, I give in because a mother's guilt is deadly.

Off topic a bit.

Most of my working mommy friends have to be away from their kids 40-50 hours a week...so there lies my justification: I'm with her so often and she sees me so much, even while I'm working, that my absence for these business trips is surely barely noticed. I'm sure that's a bunch of horseshit but its how I sleep at night when I'm away.

After reading this blogger's post, my heart was heavy. I cannot do this to Lily as she grows up. I would rather go back to working in a restaurant, waiting on tables, than to have her suffer in my absence.
By no means am I judging blogger's mom for having to have this type of occupation. Quite the opposite, I applaud her for doing what she needed to do for her family...but I know when Lily is old enough to say, "Mommy, don't go", it will tear at my heart, break me and send me running out to look for another job. I may have to eat those words in a couple of years to pay the bills but I certainly hope I don't have to disappoint Lily by leaving on business often.

I am off to Miami for two days on Tuesday. I am already having anxiety about leaving. I hate this necessary evil.

You feed yourself with a spoon now. I know I usually don't post pictures but this was so cute...